"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off..."
This quote from Emerson's Friendship essay was the inspiration for my Experiment. I tried to go the whole day by living by his words and trying to apply them to every action and every dealing with my friends throughout the day. It was a lot harder than I thought to try and say everything that was on my mind and to forget about the filter that we all have that keeps many of our thoughts from being voiced. I had a hard time opening up to people on that deeper level because I am used to guarding my thoughts and actions all the time in order to try and please everyone. I tried to be real with people and speak my mind, almost to the point of bluntness. I probably weirded some people out with my slight change in mindset but over all I thought it was a successful experiment. I think its hard for anyone to really open up completely because once you do you are completely exposed for all the world to see. Everyone always keeps some sort of wall up to protect themselves and many of those walls are so deeply ingrown into our consciousness that they are almost impossible to bring down. Even though I was a lot more honest with people that day I still don't think that I was able to remove all of my personal walls. Other than that I thought it was a refreshing day where I didnt have to think so much about what I was saying and instead I just said it.
5 comments:
Justin, I really like how you took one quote from Emerson's Friendship essay, and decided to focus on that. I agree with you that people cannot always remove their personal walls, but it is a great effort to even try.
I was wondering, if you felt that you were being more true to yourself by speaking your mind? I could see how it would be possible to lose yourself when you were trying to be true, because you do not hold any of your opinions but rather state them as facts for others to hear. ( I am not sure if what I am saying is really clear).
"Bashfulness and apathy are a tough husk, in which a delicate organization is protected from premature opening." I realize that you ran into some other personal walls when you were trying to be as honest and open as you could, but in reality these innermost walls are meant to protect us, not to change our views in the eyes of society, but rather to assure that your innermost beliefs will have time to ripen before being expose to society.
Hey Justin,
I totally agree with your response to your day as an Emersonian friend. Especially this part, "I think its hard for anyone to really open up completely because once you do you are completely exposed for all the world to see. Everyone always keeps some sort of wall up to protect themselves and many of those walls are so deeply ingrown into our consciousness that they are almost impossible to bring down." I am alot like you when it comes to meeting new people and bringing new friends into your life. It is really hard to open up because you can not trust them yet. But as for being yourself with good , trusting friends, it is hard to completely open up because there are things about you you would not tell your best friends. I think it is important to live life like an Emersonian friend because you are completely honest which is always best, but do not live completely like Emerson.
Justin-
I had a slightly similar experience with the friendship experiment. I also had issues with saying exactly what I thought; it was also harder than I thought it would be. However, it sounds like you had more success with being completely honest with people than I did. With people I did not know that well I was not very good at saying what I was thinking, it was only with my closest friends that I was able to actually follow Emerson’s "rules." I also agree that it does take a load off your mind to not have to filter every little thing you say to make sure you are not too blunt. In that sense the day was definitely as you put it "refreshing."
Hoo boy, I tried this, too, and it didn't work out for me. I have to say, you are clearly a more patient man than I, because this worked out really, really poorly for me. I like what you've said about walls and the fact that we use them to protect ourselves (which walls are traditionally used for, after all). However, you struck me as the type to speak his mind regardless of what people think even before the experiment! I've always quite liked that about you. Returning to the wall metaphor, I like that you confess that you weren't able to let all of your walls down. Perhaps it is impossible to do this. Human nature seems to have different desires for what we want and what we want other people to see. To extend the metaphor even further, maybe if we took down all the walls, there'd be nothing to contain us. Do they keep others out, or do they keep us in? It's something to think about anyway. Of course, all that theory I just discussed is tarnished by the fact that in reality, it didn't work out for me, rather presenting me with more awkward situations than I typically like to deal with. I think it can work differently for different people, because I continue to hold to the opinion that my mind, unchecked and unfiltered, is arrogant, bizarre, and unempathetic. I feel that when I speak from the mind, my morality serves to clean as much of this up as possible (I like to think it does a pretty good job), and that's something that I need. I'm trying to suggest that perhaps such walls are useful if we cannot approve of our natural selves. Perhaps my disdain for my natural self is, itself, a flaw. It's hard to say. On the one hand, Emerson suggests we be true to ourselves, no matter what, even if we are "the devil's child," but there's an argument to be made for keeping in check a part of you that you feel is, at least to some extent, naturally evil. I'm going to stop now before I get any more off topic.
Post a Comment